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Author: Subject: Please give advice
Teah
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Registered: 15-3-2011
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[*] posted on 20-3-2011 at 08:09 PM
Please give advice


Im trying to write a short story and just want to know how it is so far please give some feed back it will much appreciated.

It felt like a brick being slammed into my head. Everything was silent for what felt like an hour, I knew it was only seconds though. Those seconds were all I needed to understand what needed to be done. Aslinn may be different, even scary, but she was never the reason and I should have believed that it was not her fault I was becoming this! I was always meant to be this person I have become in these short weeks. I Eli Russo have a gift that must no longer be kept inside.
3 months earlier
“ELI! Eli please focus I know you only have one month of school left but right now you’re still my TA and I need you to show Miss Aslinn Perice around. She is a transfer.” Eli the baby sitter not exactly what I signed up for when decided to be the office TA yet here I am doing just that. That’s when I saw her beautiful. She was small but her legs seemed to go for days, long brown hair and disturbingly green eyes. Beautiful as she was something was wrong, I had an uneasy feeling. This girl whispered trouble. There was a siren in my brain that said turn away; it was so strong that I almost listened. I had a month left of high school. This being the only credit I needed to finally get out of small town North Carolina. I needed no distractions. No one to get in my way but this pang in my stomach of curiosity over took me. I was willing to see if satisfaction really brought the cat back. “Hello Aslinn, I’m Eli your personal baby sitter for the day.” That’s when I saw it her pupils; they grew so large as if to warn me not to push her.

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